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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Side effects - symptom, cause and cure


Long time, I haven't written anything here. Well, this is another forward that I found hilarious. Further analysis of this proves that the below stuff was written with deep understanding of the subject and also with something that scientist would call "lateral thinking" for finding solutions.

This first thing when a problem arise is Not to find solution directly but to find the problem itself. Many times we don't even acknowledge that the problem has come up. When we do, the problem is scattered so much that we could not find the exact problem to fix. Then comes the root cause searching. After the root cause is known, think of the remedies that may help!!!

I am here talking about an email which addressed few problems. Don't be surprised on the group of problems please, just find the relevance, if you ever have been in any of these - there is a remedy given for you. Next time, execute it. I think we are elder enough to talk about this...Also the fact that my parents are not going to read this ;)

Here we go - I think we are elder enough to talk about Side effects of alcohol and remedies in the form of symptom, cause and cure.

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The Hangover

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet. 
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward 

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. 
Cause: You're lying on the floor. 
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry. 
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass. 
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink! 

4. Symptom: The floor is moving. 
Cause: You're being dragged away. 
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you! 

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks. 
Cause: You have your glass on your ear. 
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!     

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny. 
Cause: You're in the wrong house. 
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.     

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and The music is very repetitive. 
Cause: You're in an ambulance. 
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job. 


More to come, hopefully.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tips for a healthy Life

 After the Instruction manual for Life, here are some tips for health life. Its not important to mention that I do not follow all pretty well but it is important to mention that these are really good ones to be followed. If followed, a healthy life is for you (too).

In case you have missed the Instruction manual for Life - Click Here

Enjoy this and remember that Health is Wealth - especially if you already have money; if you don't then Health is your ONLY wealth.

Brush twice a day

Dress right for the weather

Visit the dentist regularly


Get plenty of rest

Make sure your hair is dry before going outside

Eat right

Get outside in the sun every once in a while

Always wear a seat belt

Control your drinking of alcoholic beverages

Smile! It will make you feel better

Don't over indulge yourself

Bathe regularly

Read to exercise the brain

Surround yourself with friends

Stay away from too much caffeine

Use the bathroom regularly

Get plenty of exercise

Have your eyes checked regularly

Eat plenty of vegetables

Believe that people will like you for who you are

Forgive and forget

Take plenty of vacations

Celebrate all special occasions

Pick up a hobby

Love your neighbor as yourself



Stay healthy, stay fit.

More to come, hopefully.


















Saturday, October 13, 2012

Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S



Joey Tribbiani from F.R.I.E.N.D.S is a real friend. No friend is better than Joey. If you can recall below scene from the series, you would agree. And the way Matt LeBlanc has portrayed the character is superb. Here are some of the memories.

Well I’m Joey. Yeah, uh, I’m disgusting and I take my underwear off at other people’s homes.

A Great Friend


I love this one... read it, you will know why:

Phoebe: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just 
about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see 
me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of 
talking. . . I convinced him.
Joey: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got 
you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was 
a great idea.
Phoebe: Um-hum.
Joey: This man is my God.

The below one is one of the best dramatic scenes ever:

Joey: All right. [gets up]
Monica: [stopping him] No! Joey, we swore we'd never tell!
Chandler: [running over and joining Monica] They'll never understand!
Joey: Well, we have to say something! We have to get it out! It's eating me 
alive!! Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
Monica: [interrupting] All right!! All right. [walks slowly into the living 
room] I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I-I couldn't walk.
Chandler: [following Monica] We were two miles from the house. Scared and 
alone. We didn't think we could make it. [He goes to put his hands on Monica's 
shoulders but for some reason can quite complete the action and pulls back.]
Monica: I was in too much pain.
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
Chandler: And then Joey remembered something.
Joey: I'd seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About 
jellyfish and how if you... [stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica] 
Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
Phoebe and Rachel: Ewwww!!
Monica: You can't say that!! You-you don't know!! I mean I thought I was 
gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that 
way. So... [looks at Joey.]
Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel: [turning to look at Joey] Ewwww!!
Joey: That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if 
I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn't. I got the stage 
fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I 
turned to Chandler.
Chandler: [wails loudly into his hands] Joey kept screaming at me: "Do it 
now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!!". 
Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.
Joey: [laughs] That's cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak 
you out.
Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S


Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.

[On living alone] 
Joey: I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts... turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.

Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down 
to the Xerox place.
Monica: Oh, no thanks.
Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Monica: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down 
there?
Joey: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the 
belly button ring again?
Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
Joey: Yeah!

Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it 
real expensive?
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff.
Joey: I'm takin' Orsula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
Ross: You take your time.

In case you wonder - Orsula is Phoebe's twin sister.

[after Chandler kisses Kathy] 
Joey: You're so far past the line, you can't even see the line. The line is a dot to you.

And hers is what I am talking about

Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the "Mattress King"?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Joey: No.

More will come, soon, hopefully.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The change in time - 90's and now


I was thinking how much my life has changed. Why just mine, every one's life has changed a lot due to the new technologies around. This day, I was at an Uncle's place where he was telling me about the laptop he bought in the 90's @ about a lakh. Imagine the facilities it would have had - NOTHING. That's right, hardly anything as compared to even computing that you can do on today's phones.

The truck calls are non existent now a days. The post office also get rare visits from many of us. Remember the time when we had to go finding a Red box of post to send letter to someone or to some competition?

For my age, the technology was already in place during my college time, but during school - that was not there. Had used land line phone a lot during my school days. Calling up someone and the chat went for hours - suddenly someone would come and say - free up the phone, I want it.

Remember that initial Dial up Internet use period where using Internet would block the phone calls. Or a phone call (even missed call) would disconnect the already super duper slow Internet.

Remember going to offices to pay the bills? Most of all - remember video players and video games. Bringing VHS on rent along with some movie. Tracking was the usual word then. So was the case with the games like Contra and Mario - play and play.

Here are the some memes I ran into on the Internet that qualifies to the lines I just said above. Hope you enjoy.

---------

Some people would be "lost" without their smart phones. In the 90s, the way to be reached was by pager and then pray that there was a telephone around.


Research papers used to be a lot tougher to get done before the lightning fast Internet and Google came along. It required actually going through the books and checking them out.


Before there was a flood of different MP3 players, there was only a few ways to listen to music. Disc man and Walkmans.


Now its about xbox, wii and play station and motion controlled games and innovative controllers. Back in the original Nintendo games, there was only one way to play Duck Hunt. And talk about Angry Birds!

Before Facebook and other social media sites, it was much more difficult to find anything on that cute girl/boy who you are too shy to talk to.


For all those people that made a mixed tape, this strikes a nerve. It was almost an art to make a playlist in the 90s.


During the 90s the only way to pay the bills were to mail checks in or go in person to pay the bill. Now its not necessary to even get out of bed with Online Bill Pay.


Dial ups: There was a time when we had to choose between being online or making a call. This added a lot of stress in many households.


Nowadays its as simple as whipping out the cellphone and putting in the digits. If only asking for the number was any easier.


The Fresh Prince was a favorite for many growing up in the 90s. And the catchy tune was one that had to be memorized.


The video game stuck: This old trick just doesn't work any more.


Giant tv's, game cartridges, bad fashion... yep, this really is the 90's in one picture!


More to come, hopefully.

Fun time on facebook


We all use Facebook. Some use more while some less. Its always nice to see some funny status messages coming in your news feed. Here is a compilation of some statuses from the internet. I would have shared my original ones but I will keep them exclusively for my Facebook friends. :)

Enjoy the below stuff. This is the stuff that made me :) or LOL or even ROLF:

--------


Loved this one :)


That sad moment when you fall in love with a shirt, check the price tag and slowly walk away.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice :)

Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.

I've been avoiding exercise for a long time now. You might say I'm in the Fitness Protection Program.

Someday when scientists discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be unhappy to find out it's not them.

Friday is my second favorite F word. First is Food.

That awkward moment when you're trying to end a conversation and the other person won't stop talking.

Admit it .. at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when and how the light inside the fridge goes off :P

Word for the day: Exhaustipated - Too tired to give a crap.

Relationships are like garage sales. From a distance they look interesting but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

Hey Cupid, can you shoot both of us next time? Thanks

My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.

I sent a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 10 people called me. I need smarter friends.

I haven’t slept for ten days, bcoz that would be too long.


More to come, hopefully.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Instruction Manual for Life


People say that Life does not come with Instruction Manual. True. But We can make our own, can't we. Here is a Little Instruction Manual for life. Though I disagree with few, or shall I say - I do not yet follow few, but hey, I am allowed to do that.

Enjoy.

---------


Have a firm handshake.


Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.


If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.


Keep secrets.


Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day.


Always accept an outstretched hand.


Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.


Whistle.


Avoid sarcastic remarks.


Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.


Lend only those books you never care to see again.


Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.


When playing games with children, let them win.


Give people a second chance, but not a third.


Be romantic.


Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.


Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.


Be a good loser.


Be a good winner.


Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.


When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.


Be modest... A lot was accomplished before you were born.


Keep it simple.


Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.


Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.


Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets


Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.


Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.


Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.


Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.


Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.


Begin each day with some of your favorite music.


Once in a while, take the scenic route.


Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'


Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.


Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.


Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.


Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.


Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.


Become someone's hero.


Marry only for love.


Count your blessings.


Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.


Wave at the children on a school bus.


Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.

Don't expect life to be fair.


Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


Memorize your favorite poem.


Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.


When you say, "I love you", mean it.


When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.


Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


Believe in love at first sight.


Never laugh at anyone's dreams.


Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.


Don't judge people by their relatives.


Talk slowly but think quickly.


When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"


Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.


Call your mom.


Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


Remember the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.


Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

Spend some time alone.


Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.


Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.


Read more books and watch less TV.


Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.

Trust in God but lock your car.

A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

Read between the lines.

Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immotality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.

Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

Mind your own business.

Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.

Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.


Learn the rules then break some.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Remember that your character is your destiny.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Life isn't fair,but it's still good.

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone....

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

Pay off your credit cards every month.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

It's OK to let your children see you cry.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Over prepare, then go with the flow.


Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.


The most important sex organ is the brain. 


No one is in charge of your happiness but you.


Frame every so-called disaster with these words'In five years, will this matter?'

Always choose life.


Forgive everyone everything..


What other people think of you is none of your business.


Time heals almost everything. Give time time.


However good or bad a situation is, it will change.


Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.


Believe in miracles.


GOD loves you because of who HE is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

Your children get only one childhood.

All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.


If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.


The best is yet to come.


No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
Yield.


Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


More to come, hopefully.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Funny Greeting Cards

I do not know if you all have seen this, but there are greeting cards available from nearly all the makes like Hallmark/Archies which are Inside-Outside type of cards. These cards have one really sweet and innocent line of praise or appreciation in the outside. However, inside it has a mean and insulting looking line. The combination is just awesome to read and share with someone with a good sense of humour.

I have some examples to share. Not my original. This is great fun to read. Enjoy.



I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... 
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.   

I must admit, you brought religion into my life...   
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.   

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....   

(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .. 

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....   

(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.   

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....   

(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

When we were together, you said you'd die for me...  

(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.  

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....   

(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and   there was only one life jacket...   

(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...   

(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but   wonder.....   

(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking   

I'm so miserable without you...   

(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

Thank you for being part of my life.....   

(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

Congratulations on your wedding day!   

(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

How can I say this....   

(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me  

Hooray.....   

(Inside card) - You're divorced.  

I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...   

(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

Congrats on getting married...   

(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

Someday I hope to marry...   

(Inside card) - Someone other than you. 

We have been friends for a very long time...

(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?


So interesting, I want to send many of these to many I know. 

More to come, hopefully.