Previous days emails - Matrimony ads

I was just going through some emails from 3-4 years and more ago. There was a time when I had about 10000+ unique and good to awesome forwards in my mail box. 20000+ conversations saved and 20000+ work related emails too. Now, I do not engage myself in forward emails but I do go and check the old time's emails. Here is a funny collection - sharing it now because its marriage related and nothing is more hilarious yet painful than a joke on marriage (because you know its not false and you know its going to happen to you too).

These are some of the matrimony advertisements that came in as forwards. Hope you enjoy.
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Remember - this is an email from 2007-2008. So references are little old gen but fun is still intact.

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

Marriage

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Hello To Viewers My Name is Saradha , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore ... if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Saradha ~*~

(Truly yours)

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework 

(What Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........... hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast 

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE 
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD. 
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

Infact she doesn't know what she wants ?? A LAMP??

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok 

(Patner!!! I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )

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i am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married 

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?) ( Confused ????? )

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my name is farhan begum and i am unmarried. please you marrige me please please please please please please please 

(height of desperation! )

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i am kanan-devi. i do own businaas.one sistar.he was marred. 

( Plz? for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ... 

(but credit cards not accepted?? ?)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted? Clean Habits??? Is there anything like that.)

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I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra..???) (Gosh!!!!!!! ! she knows her heart color)


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- Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you

(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

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- he should be good looking and should have a service. he Should have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.

(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

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- i am simple girl.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot 

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

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- My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......

(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, Ain't she?)

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- HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK 

(the "ok syndrome" again but this time its in the third stage… it even affects her spellings??)

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- iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailoring.??)

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- I want one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.

bye bye.

(uttama purishinin)

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- iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)

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- I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

(maybe the poor gurl meant BAD habits)

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- hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(same caste or other caste...so why mention the caste???)

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- i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

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- to be married on jan-2009. working man preferable

(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)

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- i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.

(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)

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- ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying
salary at present.

(Any takers again?) 

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More to come, hopefully.